er so i just made a blog

Hey. Don't really know what to say. and whatever I do say is going to sound so clichee, but hey! I guess this is my blog and I can post what I want. I kind of made it because I'm on the verge of tears right now and just eurgh, it's scaring me. I'm sad, really sad. I've recentley returned from an amazing holiday, and coming back was just really hard. It was perfect. I didn't have some fascinating holiday romance or anything like that, but I just met some amazing people who I won't name, and it is sort of killing me inside to think that I'll never see them again. They felt like my real friends, not just some mutual friends that I made because my friends are there friends. I made those friends because I like them. And that's half the problem. Down here where I live, it's a very small town with not many people, to be more specific, not many teenagers. So do you know what hard, finding new people to talk to. It also doesn't really help that a lot of the people are either Nerds or like take weed or something, that's just vile you know? So it doesn't leave you with many options. So it feels like I'm trapped in a bubble, I can't make new friends because decent people are actually really hard to find in this shitty little town. So I'm stuck with a bunch of friends that I cannot stand, except for like two people. And that's making things really hard for me. I feel like none of them ever want me around. They never invite me places, they rarely talk to me, and it's been starting to really get to me. I wish I could change it, but I've tried and now I just can't be bothered. I used to make an effort, attempting to talk to them all the time and stuff, but now it just feels like I'm annoying them, so I stopped. It feels like I have no one to talk to, that actually wants to talk to me too. Even my friend, who has gone away for holiday who lives quite a while so I don't get to see them often doesn't want to talk to me. I direct messaged her while she is away, and she is being really vague and distant, like she doesn't want to talk to me and it hurts. I just really need a friend right now, someone who I feel I could talk to when I need them. Someone who appreciates me. Someone who I'm not afraid to talk to. My best friend, who is just perfect, is wonderful and everything, but I never want to talk to her, and I don't know why. It always seems like she just doesn't care about my life or anything and that really sucks. I just want a friend. That's all.